Dolphins and charity CEOs: learning from each other

By Dr Kate Paradine. Kate has been CEO of the national oracy education charity, Voice 21, since October 2023. She was previously CEO of the charity Women in Prison (2015-2022).

This Summer, a friend spotted dolphins while on holiday off the Scottish coast, which led me to discover how their multi-generational social bonds of companionship and learning from each other are crucial to their survival. Timely learning, as it’s been 10 years since I took up my first charity CEO role, so I’ve been reflecting on one of the many great things about this job: strong connections with peer leaders – both new and experienced.

Here are some pearls of wisdom I’ve learned from others about getting through the tougher times of charity leadership:

1. The job is never done: most weeks doing this job, I remind myself what a more experienced CEO told me just before I started as CEO of Women in Prison: every Friday you’ll end the week with a whole load of stuff you meant to do Monday and never got around to. It will happen every Friday – that is just how it is. Accept it.
2. You’ll be the ‘old CEO’ one day: I think most CEOs have had that thought about their predecessor: ‘How could they leave me with [X problem]’. A brilliant trustee reminded me years ago that I would be the ‘old CEO’ one day, inevitably leaving problems behind and no one knowing what choices I’d faced and what had to be prioritised. It goes with the territory, and colluding with divisive  ‘hero’ leadership rescue narratives doesn’t help anyone.
3. You can’t please all of the people all of the time: there’ll always be people who think you are the ‘best thing since sliced bread’ and others who believe they could do your job better themselves. If everyone seems like they’re your friend there’s probably something wrong.
4. To lead is to choose: leading a charity is about making daily choices at different levels, from the mundane to the existential, short, medium and long term. Often there won’t be a ‘right’ decision, but usually the wrong thing is not to decide, or not to explain your decision. It’s a fact of human nature that we are more willing to support a decision if we understand it.   
5. The board and your team! You are not leading alone: There is a great ACEVO piece on managing stress by Rosie Ferguson and the importance of asking your charity’s board for support. Too often a fatal error is to feel we have to battle on alone. In my experience, boards and leadership teams come into their own when the CEO asks for their help.
6. Day follows night: over the years I have had those lonely 4am moments over different things – mission, funding, people, values, reputational risk. In the end, it all passes, and the morning comes, sometimes with an unexpected high on the charity leadership roller coaster.
7. Self-care is an act of political resistance. Audre Lorde said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” ‘Putting on your own life jacket first’ and taking proper time off can be harder than you think, but vital for every charity CEO. Sarah Hughes wrote powerfully about avoiding burnout and us collectively making sure that “renewal is contagious”. If not for yourself, do it for your team.
8. Make time, space and trust to connect with your peers. These can be lonely jobs, so relationships with peers in leadership roles can be a life saver. Building trust takes time and space, which is one reason why I think Action Learning Sets, especially those maintained over years, are so vital, but even the odd coffee or walk together can make a big difference.
9. You are not your job: I’ve had that experience in the past of starting to feel that my own personal identity and sense of worth was too tied up in an organisation or cause. I know this happens frequently to founders and long-standing CEOs. There are all sorts of ways of managing this in the role, and one way is to move yourself and the charity onto the next step of a new leader. I wrote some reflections on leaving well as a CEO.
10. People will remember how you made them feel: Maya Angelou got to the heart of it all when she said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” If you hold on fast to your charity’s (and your own) values and purpose in everything you do, really listen and trust those around you, then people will feel it.

Thank you to every other charity leader who, over the years, has left me feeling a sense of solidarity, understanding, care, belief that anything is possible and for teaching me, more than once, that the bonds between us are key to each other’s survival (and the charities we lead). Just like the dolphins.